Disclaimer: Characters used within this fanfiction, except for a few original
characters, are not my property. This is only a fanfiction and is not meant
for means of breaching copyrights.
I know why he does this….
“R……. Recca….. ahn!! Not…… Not there…..”
It really isn’t about love or anything. More like an outlet for sexual desires
of some sort. It really doesn’t bother me…..
I look up as he starts to dress, not moving an inch myself. I hug the pillow
tightly, resting on my stomach as I watch him putting on his pants, cursing
at the darkness of the room, and he switches the light on. I frown slightly
at the sudden brightness.
“You could’ve asked first,” I complain half-heartedly. He turns and
gives me an apologetic grin as he finishes putting all of his clothes on.
“Sorry, Mikagami.” I shrug.
It’s not the first time he does this anyway. The only person he cares about
is Yanagi, his beautiful Hime, who is now his pretty wife. They got married
as soon as they graduated from high school, at a little church up in the hills
that Kagero picked. Fuuko and Ganko were the bridesmaids and Domon and I were
the best men. Literally everyone we had fought in the past who was still alive
showed up, and they had all congratulated the couple with all their heart.
Including me, I guess. Sometimes I can’t figure out myself either.
Our ‘relationship,’ if one wishes to call it, happened in the middle of the
Bujotsukai. There were at least ten people in the room drinking heavily, and
when they left at the end, I was the only one that bothered to clean up the
mess since I only had one beer. Domon was sleeping soundly in the bedroom of
the suite, where I thought Recca was as well. Turned out I was wrong.
It really wasn’t consensual sex, and I admit I had underestimated Recca too
much where I had to pay a price to find out. His strength far exceeded mine
in that I had no chance of fighting back before he ripped my clothes apart and
entered me. He was so drunk that he had no idea what he was doing, or who he
was doing it to, for that matter.
And it hurts a lot, especially since Recca wasn’t a homosexual to begin with,
and he didn’t know how to handle it carefully. Even though I wasn’t a virgin
to begin with, it still hurt so much that I screamed, but that didn’t last long
since he still had the sense to cover my mouth. I was just glad that he wasn’t
doing this to Yanagi, and Domon didn’t wake up and Koganei was with Kagero next
When Recca woke up and realized what he had done, he apologized, swearing that
he won’t do it again. I forgave him, but he came back for more later on, explaining
that he doesn’t have the heart or the guts to ask Yanagi for sex, since she’s
the ‘Princess’ and all, but the experience was magnificent and he wanted again.
When I said no he became aggressive, and got what he wanted anyway. Of course,
he apologized again, and came back for more.
The cycle continued until I couldn’t care less about it anymore. Then it became
a regular thing throughout high school, and ultimately into their marriages.
I gave him a copy of the keys to my apartment so that he wouldn’t have to ring
the doorbell and possibly alert the neighbor at night, and he came whenever
he has time or whenever Yanagi was out of town. She became a successful novelist
that specializes in childrens’ books nowadays, and would have to travel to other
states to give autograph signings and public story tellings. Her ‘ReccaMan’
series had been made into animations, plays, and even television shows for kids
and she had taken several offers for playwriting on kids’ shows. That gives
Recca plenty of time to be ‘alone.’
But he never spends the night, and he always comes and goes without alerting
the neighbors, thus no one has ever figured out this sick relationship between
him and I. Sometimes I wished someone would see him coming out of my apartment
early in the morning and discover the whole affair so this could end, but never
has luck been on my side. I gave up as the years went by, and now I just don’t
even think about it anymore.
Turning my back to him, I wave as he puts on his shoes. “Turn off the
light,” I say lazily, and he does. He closes the door softly, and I can
feel his presence leaving quickly. As soon as I detect his presence completely
out of the apartment, I drift back to sleep, tossing all the discontent away.
“Mikagami-san, help!!!” I looked up from my station, groaning inwardly
as I got up. Two years after I graduated from college, I decided that working
was not for me, since my personality really clashes with the traditional Japanese
working environment, so I went back to school to get a Master’s degree. With
my grades and some juicy recommendations from my professors, financial aid not
only covered my tuition, but also left me enough to live without having to work
too much. I devoted my time to my studies, which, by the way, surprised many
of my friends. The major I chose was something that they have not expected,
since most people, teachers, friends, classmates…what have you, expected me
to go into law school or medical school or something similar to that. Instead,
I chose a hidden passion I’ve always wanted to do —- Art.
When Master— No, grandpa, really, died, his will was carried out, and I suddenly
inherited a huge acreage that I had no idea he kept. In his will, he said that
it was all he could do to ensure me to live freely without worrying about money.
He wanted me to live the way I wanted to, and not to worry about financial problems
at all. With money more than I could even imagine, since land in Japan is extremely
scarce, I carefully divided it and put it into several accounts, and hired a
lawyer to handle them for me. He’s a man that anyone could trust, which was
probably why he was poor and continued to be poor, since he used his legal expertise
on the homeless and the moneyless.
So, with money out of my worries, I don’t see why art was such a horrible major
to choose. I still remember Mr. Tanaka, my high school home room teacher, cried
out loudly when he saw my questionnaire regarding my future to be in the arts
major, and tried to change my mind for my entire senior year. I guess my patience
was trained then by him, seeing how he called me into his office almost daily,
trying to ‘talk some sense’ into my thick skull. So in return, I drew him a
picture of him lecturing me as a farewell present as I graduated, and I must
say, the look on his face was quite amusing.
“Mikagami!!!!!!!!!!!” my classmate’s cry snapped my recollections
out of it, and I walked to him, helping him to figure out the angle in which
he was desperately trying to draw but couldn’t.
“You’re going where?!” Recca stared at me increduously as he pulled
out from me, and I opened my eyes to look at him, catching my breath slowly.
“……France.” I replied, feeling a little bit unsatisfied since
I hadn’t released yet. Maybe telling him in the midst of sexual intercourse
was NOT such a great idea. “I got into Marchutz School of Art in Southern
France, and I’m leaving in two weeks.”
Recca gaped even more, as he rolled off me, and sat up on the bed in disbelief.
“….Two weeks!? That’s…. That’s too soon!”
I shrugged, sensing that he’s probably done for tonight, since the news was
a little shocking. “Not really. The school has already arranged an apartment
for me, and I’ve gone there couple weeks ago to set the apartment up. It was
quite nice, really.”
“You already went?! Wait, Mikagami, when did you receive the notice?!”
I got up, using a sheet to cover my naked body, “…. Six months ago.”
That made Recca jolt up, and grab me as I was making my way to the bathroom.
“Six months ago?! And you said nothing to me?!” he yelled, his anger
made him look quite scary, to tell the truth. With a swing, he tossed me back
onto the bed, and got on top of me angrily, “Why didn’t you tell me?!”
I looked up calmly, his anger does not move me one bit. “….Why should
I tell you before I tell others?” I asked, “I was planning on telling
everyone on Sunday anyway. So I don’t see where I’ve done wrong.”
“You should’ve told ME earlier!” Recca insisted, his body
burned in rage, and I could almost feel his fire dragons, even though they’ve
been long gone already.
I shrugged, “Why? Oh, because of this? Well, I guess you just have to
find another man to fuck when I’m gone.” I knew my words were cold, but
I regretted nothing. I was nothing to him, except, perhaps, a sexual outlet
that he always has access to. He knew my schedules pretty well, and since I’m
not a party person, at night I am usually home, painting or reading or writing.
It was quite sad, really, since mistresses gets some loving words and money
from their ‘Daddy’, and all I got was him coming and taking and going whenever
he feels like it. As for me, I could’ve fought him, but what was the use of
that? It was established so long ago when I still have my Ensui that I couldn’t
beat him, and I don’t see how I can now when I don’t have Ensui anymore. I’m
pathetic, I know.
Recca was hurt by my harsh words, and without thinking, he slapped me. Then
he froze, his eyes widened as he realized what he had just done. “Mikagami,
“Get out,” I said, my face was turned to the side because of the
force of the slap.
Sighing, Recca got up, and got dressed without turning on the light. He left
as quietly as he came in, except this time he took longer than he normally would.
I stayed where I was, and when the door finally closed, I shut my eyes as well.
Tears rolled down my cheek silently, and I didn’t do anything about it. Maybe
this was for the best…. For him, for me.
Everyone, except Recca, was at the airport to see me off. Yanagi cried happily
as she wished me luck in Paris, though she’ll miss me dearly. I wondered if
she still will if she found out her husband’s sleeping with me? Domon patted
my back, laughing at the fact that he never expected me to be an artist, and
his wife, Fuuko, slapped him silly when I almost suffocated in his tight headlock.
Ganko whined and made me promise to draw her when I come back, and Kagero made
me promise to write at least once a month. Recca’s dad said if I ever need anything
from Japan, food, clothing, whatnot, I just need to call and he’ll prepare it
for me. The man was truly a great father, and both him and Kagero treated me
as if I was their own when they found out how my parents and my sister died.
I am eternally in debt to them.
When I was about to board the plane, Kagero pulled me aside for a “mother-to-son
talk”, as she explained to others. I was clueless what it was about until
she apologized to me about Recca’s behavior.
“…….How’d you know?” I asked, my eyes reddened slightly. I felt
utterly embarrassed and ashamed.
Kagero smiled, and patted me on the head, “Don’t worry, Tokiya…. You
don’t need to feel ashamed. It was Recca’s fault, not yours.” she paused,
“I…. I wondered why he would be out late everytime Yanagi was out of
town, so one night I wanted to ask you about it…. Only to see him go into
your room and didn’t come out until four in the morning. I am no idiot. I knew
what went on immediately, and knowing you, it must’ve been Recca forcing you.”
I felt tears came into my eyes, “….And you didn’t stop him?”
“I couldn’t….. I wasn’t sure what I should do…… And when I was about
to confront him….. He came home red-eyed and said that you’re leaving for
I shook my head. She didn’t know ’til recently…. And it’s not her fault,
since Recca IS her son… I’m just an outsider. The realization hit
me pretty hard, though I tried not to let it show.
“Tokiya…..” Kagero stroked my hair, pulling my bangs away from
my eyes to tuck them behind my ears, “Recca….. I’m just so sorry for
what he has done to you…. Please, meet a good girl or boy in France…. and
if you do like him, or her, then you don’t have to worry about Recca. I don’t
know what to say, really…. But I want to let you know…. I am ashamed of
having such a son that is so insensitive…. And arrogant…..”
I shook my head again, silencing her. “It’s alright, Kagero-san……”
I said softly, “I will put it behind me….. And please, don’t blame yourself
She looked at me with sadness-stricken eyes, and smiled slightly. A forced
smile. “I don’t know if I perceive it correctly….. But I do think he
loves you, he just doesn’t know yet.”
I shrugged, “What difference does it make now?” I said, before I
kissed her on the cheek and waved her goodbye, as I board the flight in a hurry
seeing how I was holding others up.
When the plane took off, I thought I saw Recca standing by the fence of the
airport……. Must’ve been my imagination.
Southern France was, in my mind, heaven. The weather was warm, the scenary
incomparable, and the people friendly and loving. I had a lovely old couple
that lived next door to me, and they would always invite me to their dinners.
Bella would sometimes teach me how to cook some gourmet French food, and being
a half-Italian, her Italian food was to die for. I constantly told her that
I would become a giant obese person if she keeps feeding me like this, and she
laughed, knowing that I meant only good and God, I love her food.
Francis, Bella’s husband, was a great woodworker and farmer. They owned the
farm right behind the apartment, and he also knew how to make wine. On my 26th
birthday, he opened a 1973 Merlot to celebrate, a homemade wine he treasured,
and threatened me that if I said it tasted anything but great, he was going
to kill me. Of course, I need not lie, because the wine was exquisite. Sometimes
I would help out Francis in the farm, when I’m not in school or I have no project
to do at the moment, and he would tell me stories of his life. A full French,
Francis experienced World War II, and had a colorful story to tell about him
hiding the bombs, the Germans, and how he survived. Bella often wondered how
I could endure his stories, since they were so long and boring, but I found
them to be interesting.
I kept my promise, and wrote to Kagero every month. I sometimes sent her scenary
postal cards, and sometimes pictures taken by Bella or Francis. I told her of
my life here, how the carefree country had somehow lightened up my sin, freed
my soul, and brought me happiness. I told her about the wine I started to make,
with the help of Francis, and how I’m getting pretty good in making Lasagna.
I also told her how school was, how hard the teachers were, but how their critiques
had helped me with my career.
Kagero, in return, wrote to me every two weeks. The first letter was extremely
long, and she talked about her confrontation with Recca. She said that Recca
had been extremely depressed, and attempted to avoid the questions until she
had forcefully made him confess of his ‘crime’. “He seemed to be confused,”
wrote Kagero, “About his feelings towards you. Towards Yanagi. And towards
himself. He told me that each time he left your place, he hated himself even
more, and the guilt had almost driven him crazy.”
Well, now that I’m gone, I’m sure he’s fine. I wrote to Kagero, telling her
that I really don’t want to have any more ties with Recca except friendship,
and that I wanted to forget the entire affair, so that not only me, but him
and Yanagi could start fresh again. That’s when Kagero stopped talking about
Two years had passed, and slowly, the international art world had begun to
recognize me. My work was being displayed in some major galleries, and though
I often skipped a lot of the social luncheons or parties, people began to ask
me personal questions whenever I was at shows that feature my works or my teacher’s
works. Envious letters and threats began in school, since this IS the
art world, and what is the art world without jealousy and envy? People are competitive,
and they don’t like to see a Japanese getting ahead of them. Racism was always
a factor, even though people deny its existance. Rumors about me sleeping with
my professor started, and how I gained my grade and my praises by the means
of sex. It became so ridiculous that once several students tried to rape me,
but I got away and called the police. They weren’t exposed in the school, but
I knew how bad this was.
To make matters worse, I received a phone call three weeks after the nearly-raped
incident. It was Kagero. We really never talked on the phone because of long-distance
charges, and writing is so much more intimate than talking.
“Tokiya? There’s bad news…..” she began, her voice indicated that
she had just cried. I was nervous almost immediately.
“Yanagi…… Yanagi died,” she broke down to sobs, and I could hear
Recca’s dad trying to comfort her on the side.
My mind blanked. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. Yanagi….. died? But
she just hit 20 several months ago, and I spoke to her on the phone and loved
the painting I sent back!!! And now….. she’s dead?!
“H…… How?” my voice cracked, and I was utterly surprised at this.
“…..She found out about you and Recca…… well, Recca told her……
I don’t know why….. Out of the blue…. And she got so furious…. She ran
out…..” Kagero sobbed loudly, “And right into…. the path of a
Drunk……. driver?! I didn’t know what to say. Hell, I didn’t know what to
think. Why….. Why did Recca tell her?!
“And….. Recca ran after Yanagi-chan…. but….. He wasn’t quick enough
to…… get her out of the truck’s way……. The driver died as well…. and….”
Finally, she couldn’t talk anymore, and the phone was taken over by Recca’s
father. He was a strong man, and even though he sounded calm and collected,
his voice had the tone of tears as well.
“…..The funeral is in a week…….. Do you think you can make it?”
he asked, and I nodded idly, my mind in a jumble as I told him I will be on
the first flight out of France. I don’t remember what I said after that, and
I don’t remember how I packed, how I ordered the plane ticket, and how I went
to school and reported the necessary absence.
When I came to, I was too late to get out of a car’s way. As the pain registered,
I laughed at myself mentally at having the same fate as Yanagi. Hit by a car….
What is that, some sort of an omen that Recca carries? It really felt quite
funny, in an ironic way, as my head landed on the pavement with a thud.
When they didn’t see Mikagami show up, they panicked. After the funeral service,
Kagero called Mikagami again, but got only the answering machine. Having an
ominous feeling, Kagero dug around for the phone number that Mikagami had mentioned
once, that if in the case of emergency and he’s not there, they could leave
a message for an old woman named Bella. When Bella picked up the phone, Kagero
asked nervously in English.
“Excuse me….. I’m Mikagami’s friend…. He there?”
Bella broke down to tears when she heard that, and she spoke quickly and erratically
in English that Kagero couldn’t follow. When the Japanese woman asked Bella
to repeat slowly, she gasped and almost fell to the floor had her husband not
been there to catch her.
“Tokiya is in the hospital. A tragic accident. Some of Tokiya’s classmates
hate him for his talent, so they drove right into him, and he hit his head on
the ground first. The doctors weren’t sure if he’ll ever wake up.”
Kagero took down the hospital’s phone number and address, and thanked the woman
before she hung up. She cried in her husband’s arms, unable to deal with tragedy
after tragedy. Others walked in when they heard Kagero’s cries, and asked what
happened. When Kagero related the message, Ganko fainted and Fuuko slumped in
Tragedy after tragedy…… Why?????
When he stepped out of the taxi, he tipped the man slightly for the extra trip
he had him make. The driver thanked him, and drove off happily. The man looked
at the sign of the building.
St. Luciana Hospital.
He sighed, and rubbed his face wearily. He just got off the plane, and dropped
his things off at the apartment that used to be the boy’s. The jetlag was terrible,
since the total amount of flight was more than twenty hours, and he was exhausted.
But he was determined to see the boy before resting. It took him a year to
come here, and he wasn’t about to be a coward at this moment.
Recca Hanabishi entered the hospital, and with very poor English, asked to
see Mikagami Tokiya. He was led to a quiet place of the hospital, where only
wealthy people stay to recover from minor to major sickness. Tokiya’s lawyer
had arranged such place for him to stay, and until his condition turned better,
he would have to stay in France before he could be transported back to Japan.
When the door opened, Recca’s heart ached as if someone had stabbed it. A slender
figure sat on the chair next to the window, looking out with dazed, unfocused
eyes. He looked so much thinner than the pictures he had sent home, and he looked
like a lost boy. Recca approached slightly, but the boy didn’t turn.
The nurse that led the man into the room had returned with another nurse who
spoke Japanese fluently. She greeted Recca quietly, and when Tokiya heard the
voice, he turned slightly, his eyes still unfocused. “….May I speak to
you real quick, Mr. Hanabishi?”
“Kumiko……?” Tokiya’s voice sounded like a child, afraid, longing,
and on the edge of crying. “Is that you, Kumiko…..?”
The nurse, Kumiko, hurried over and comforted the boy. “It’s okay, Tokiya…….
I’m just going to step out and speak to your friend here, ne? Don’t worry….
I’ll be back in a sec.”
Tokiya sobbed in her arms, clutching her tightly. “…. Really? You won’t
leave? Really really? You were gone so long……. I was so scared……”
Kumiko smiled and stroked the boy’s hair gently, “I just left to get you
something to eat, that’s all….. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up.
You must’ve been terrified, little child….. There there……” she took
out a large chocolate-chip cookie, and handed to Tokiya. The boy took the cookie,
sniffed it, and slowly felt his way around the cookie to open the wrappers.
When after a short struggle, he nibbled at the cookie silently, tears still
hung at the corner of his eyes, but he grew quiet, and Kumiko slowly pulled
away from him, and gave him a kiss on the head.
“I’ll be back real soon, ne?” Tokiya nodded.
Recca watched all this with horrified eyes. He followed the nurse numbly into
the hallway, where she closed the door carefully and quietly. Leading him into
a small coffee room, she took her time and prepared two coffees, one for herself
and one for him. Sitting down, she sighed.
“….How…… What happened?” Recca asked, his voice dry and hoarse.
She sipped on her coffee a while, gathering her thoughts, before she began.
“….On the way to the airport…. Tokiya was hit by a car, which police
later found to be his classmates…… The ones that had tried to rape him before,
because they were so jealous of Tokiya’s talent in art….. They drove their
car at full speed, and Tokiya was distracted before he saw them coming at him……”
She sighed and sipped some more coffee, “Tokiya landed head first, and
for a long time the doctors thought he couldn’t make it. But miraculously, he
did. He lost his sight because of the trauma, and his memories as well…….
He still remembered his native language, but he couldn’t speak English or French
anymore, that’s why I was appointed to take care of him. I was the first one
that calmed him down out of his hysterical break down, and now….. well, you
saw what happened.”
Recca’s eyes were filled with tears, and he wiped them away in silence. They
two sat there in the coffee room quietly for a while before he asked, “…….Any
way…. I can bring him back to Japan?”
Kumiko nodded, “If you can gain his trust so that he doesn’t need me anymore,
sure. But you have to be patient with him….. He has the mindset of a five-year-old
now… and he could be easily frightened.” She knew about their relationship,
as Daijirou, Tokiya’s lawyer, had already informed her about their affairs and
the reason why Recca was here.
Recca nodded, and got up, finding his body light and his head heavy. Moving
with great difficulty, he slowly entered the room, where Tokiya had fallen asleep
next to the open window. The half-eaten cookie hung loosely in his hand, and
the curtain blew around the boy, creating a mystifying atmosphere.
Approaching the fragile boy, Recca picked Tokiya up, took the cookie and put
it on the night stand, and placed him onto the bed and tucked him in. He kneeled
down next to the bed, watching the boy with great sadness in his eyes, and reached
up, kissing his love on those pale lips.
“Let’s go home…… together……. ne?”